I LICKED THE ENTIRETY OF A NARWHAL'S TUSK FROM THE BASE TO THE PINNACLE. DO NOT ASK WHERE THIS OCCURRED, AS I WILL NOT TELL YOU. I WILL CONFIDE THAT I MADE AN ARRANGEMENT WITH A LOCAL PURVEYOR OF EXPERIENCES WHO INTRODUCED ME TO AN EMPLOYEE AT A PRIVATE ZOOLOGICAL MUSEUM.

THE HELICAL TUSK OF A NARWHAL IS AN ELONGATED TOOTH IMPARTED WITH A SURPRISING TACTILE SENSITIVITY, PARTICULARLY REMARKABLE FOR ITS ABILITY TO PRECISELY MEASURE TEMPERATURE, ATMOSPHERIC PRESSURE, AND TOUCH. I ATTEMPTED TO TRACE ONE FURROW FROM THE HORN'S ROOT TO ITS TIP WITH MY TONGUE. DURING THIS PROCESS OF INVESTIGATION MY TASTE BUDS BECAME INFLAMED AND SWOLLEN CALLING TO MIND AN UNDULATING COLONY OF SEA ANEMONES.

THE NARWHAL ITSELF PHYSICALLY RESEMBLES A LARGE DARK GLOBULE OF VISCOUS FLUID SPECKLED WITH WHITE. ONE OF THE UNUSUAL ATTRIBUTES OF THIS CREATURE IS ITS POSSESSION OF A PERMANENT UPTURNED SMILE GIVING THE NARWHAL A PERPETUALLY KNOWING APPEARANCE, EVEN IN DEATH. THIS ENIGMATIC SMILE REFLECTS THE NARWHAL'S RECEPTION OF CONTINUAL UNEXPECTED PLEASURES TRANSMITTED THROUGH THE NERVE FIBERS WITHIN ITS TUSK.

THROUGH THE EXHILARATION OF OUR MUTUAL PROXIMITY, OR FROM BOREDOM, SILENCE, EXCITEMENT, OR NECESSITY, ONE OF US EXCRETED. I WAS IMMEDIATELY REQUESTED TO LEAVE THE AQUATIC DIORAMA.

IT IS COMMONLY KNOWN THAT WHEN EATEN, SEA URCHIN RESEMBLES THE TEXTURE AND FLAVOR OF A DROWNED SAILOR, LEADING THE SUPERSTITIOUS TO BELIEVE THAT THE SEA URCHIN IS A REPOSITORY FOR THE SOULS OF MARINERS REAPED BY THE SEA.